A lot of the time when things pipe down around here, it’s because there is something consuming going on that I’m not ready to share with the internet yet. In this space, I share my thoughts and observations about the world. So, when my world is permeated by a thing I can’t share, there is radio silence. You see, I am wrapping up a year that will change my life forever. 

In late spring/early summer hubby and I came to a realization that neither of us were happy. Something had to change. His depression due to his disabilities had taken over our entire relationship and seeped into my soul. Sticking it out became less and less of a possibility in my heart and I began to see the world in a way that I never thought possible - without him. I think a huge part of why I have been absent from this space is due to not having the "right" words to make you understand. I do love him. He has been my partner for more than 20 years. We've made beautiful children and so much more together. Those things will never change. He is simply not the person I married anymore. No one could have convinced us at the time, but sure, maybe 19 was a bit young to make that kind of commitment. We are not us yet at that time in life, at least not the full versions of ourselves and who we are to become. I will always cherish those years and all of the time we've spent building this family together, but it's time to move on to the next chapter. I need to do this for me.

The girls are okay. It's been a few months of living separately now and we've worked out a schedule that has both of us spending time with them just about every day. It's taking adjustment of course, and none of us are near comfortable yet, but we'll get there. We're learning this new way together, and of course there have been some bumps along the way. 

I want to come back to this space and share more of my new path. It's been a crazy autumn for my business as usual, but as things are slowing down now I felt it was the right time to return. As always, I write this for my babies. I write this so that someday they will understand. That someday, when we're all comfortable again, we can look back on these days as just a stepping stone to where we were meant to be.

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