Love multiplies

Hey look! Three whole posts in one day! -- this may or may not be a procrastination tactic for the exercise part of my challenge... :/ 


I remember when I was hugely pregnant with C, I had this huge anxiety hidden in the pit of my stomach, tucked away somewhere behind my spleen and possibly behind the ungodly amounts of chocolate and orange juice I was consuming. It's just not something you really talk about, but the fear was real, at least I remember it being real. I say it like that because, it seems so unjustified and ridiculous now.

You see, I already had a 3 year old K at home, with whom I was completely and utterly in love. She was our entire world, and every piece of my heart seemed to be held in her tiny little grasp. And that was the problem. I had absolutely no idea how I could possibly love another child the way I loved her. In fact, I feel like the entire reason I wanted another child in the first place was for HER. So she would have a sibling, someone to grow up with and count on forever.

Of course I was excited about the new baby and loved her, even before I knew she was a she! I had the moments of pure bliss knowing she was yet another creation of our love. But how could she be different than K, coming from the same two parents. And how could we feel as much for another child at the same time? Wasn't there only so much love to go around?

I worried all the way up until the day of her scheduled c-section. When we dropped K off at the in-laws on our way to the hospital and I gave her a hug, all I could think was how her life would never be the same. She was about to have her parents' love cut in two.

BUT THEN, there she was. And I have no words to explain the way it happened. I saw her, and my heart expanded. Suddenly, there was plenty of room for this child in my heart - no question. She filled a C-sized hole that I never knew was there. She was nothing like K, but I found that is really IS how they say -- I love them both the same, just in different ways.

Even with all of the cat fights and sibling rivalry going on in our house, I still believe that C was the very best gift I have ever given to K, even if it will be quite a while before either of them will admit it.

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