Day 29- Who do you miss the most?

Easy. Dad. Every single day since September 11, 1997.

-- I'll admit that I almost stopped right there. That pretty much sums it up, right? But after I thought about it, I want to try and put these feelings into a few words afterall. --

How do you describe how it feels to lose someone who is a huge piece of your everyday through your entire life in the blink of an eye? Yes, we knew it was coming. At least my mind did. Try and explain that to a 17 year old's heart though. This isn't about the losing him, however. It's about the missing him.

I think the thing I miss most is his voice. The way he said my name. The way I could know by the tone of it just how much trouble I was in. The ability to hear his love for us in it. I remember that for a long time after he was gone, we left his voice on the answering machine. I don't think I was the only one who would call the house knowing no one was home just to hear that voice again...

I miss the little things. Even almost 14 years later, it's the little things that remind me of him so often. The foods he did or didn't like. My girls' dark eyes that he never got to marvel in. The way Hubby is with the girls, that father-daughter connection. Certain sports teams, certain kinds of cars, the way my brother walks. It doesn't take much, but rarely a day goes by that something didn't bring Dad into my thoughts.

I wonder sometimes how things would have been different if he were still here. Maybe everything. Maybe nothing at all. We will never know. What I do know is the way he would love his grandchildren. How he would have looked at me and held my hand tight on the day of my wedding. How my mom would still feel that unconditional love that she deserves. And how so many people that loved him would not have a missing piece in their hearts that can never be filled again.


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