"Nothing great comes easily"

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“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wish it were that easy. Today was a tough one for C. Whether it's related or not is yet to be determined, but she started a new med this morning to try and help her gain some appetite back and she's been an unhappy, inconsolable, irate, violent, tantruming monster from the moment she got home from school. Some days she's like this. The "bad" days. We are at a complete loss. When she's in this state of mind there is zero reasoning with her, talking to her or comforting her. I have no clue how to be what she needs, and it brings me to my knees! I love this little girl more than I can say, and seeing her struggle to be the sweet person she truly is is horrible... 

Tonight as she screamed and cussed and slammed things relentlessly for hours, I lost it. I say on the steps and bawled like a baby. I can't do this. I don't know how to parent her! I feel like such a failure.

And now she can't sleep. Which means I can't sleep. I'm sandwiched in a queen size bed between a squirmy, restless 9 year old, a dog who thinks the whole bed is hers and a man whom I cannot touch whatsoever or he'll writhe in pain. It's gonna be a long night...


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